My last blog post was called ’silence’ which is ironic as that has been how my blog has remained since I wrote it.. I guess I ran out of things to say. Things have been better recently; for those of you who have struggled alongside me these last few months and seen how low I got, the return to bright cheerfulness will have been marked. But I know that I am not really right. I fell as if I am looking at life through a fogged window; the anxiety may have decreased but so has much else. My life has become made up of learning slovak, logic puzzles and revision. I can’t remember the last time I cooked a meal or did something utterly spontaneous. Even deciding late one night last week to get on a bus to Inverness to visit a friend in hospital was more to do with what I felt she needed than a sudden gesture of friendship. I know that life goes on on the other side of the window. God is out there doing beautiful things, I just rarely lift my head enough to see them. I hope that I will wake up soon, open the window that has been shut for so long, and climb out on a rope made up of knotted sheets like in the books I read when I was little. The world may be bigger or smaller than I remember it, but I will remember that ‘every common bush is afire with God’, and I will take off my shoes, even if my own eyes only seee the blackberries for now.
May 19, 2009...11:00 pm
Through a fogged window
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